Mr. Neil (mrneilesq) wrote,
Mr. Neil

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Another year closer...

Did you remember to buy gaudy streamers? An insincere card? A gift certificate to some place that doesn't accept them?

If not, you're like the other 6,428,284,782 people on this planet who don't accept "Be Nice to Neil for 24 hours Because He Managed Not to Die for Another Year" day as a national holiday. Travesties aside, this year's anniversary of my bursting inhumanly from the womb, seems to be the most promising one in years. I finished my most recent project for the American Comedy Network (despite it nearly killing me from Flash MX Poisoning) and even more uplifting, I start my job at Soup2Nuts animation studio tomorrow! Yes, this is shaping up to be the year of the Neil, so it would not be unwise to begin chanting my name rhythmically, to stay ahead of the trend curve.

So I bet you're asking yourself, "How can I do something as amazing as be born 24 years in the past?". Not very proactive of you, now is it? Just sitting there asking questions, mouth agape, arms less-than-akimbo, and spine slowly leaking fluid, causing future lower lumbar pain, and a feeling of low self worth, no matter how startlingly accurate. Being that I'm feeling magnanimous, I'm going to share with you my standard answer to this question. "YOU CAN'T! HA! YOU'RE WELL OVER TWO DECADES LATE! MAYBE IF YOU WEEP FOR HOURS ON END IT'LL COME TO PASS - BUT DON'T BET ON IT! EXCEPT FOR THE WEEPING PART... THAT PART WILL PROBABLY COME TRUE - AND OFTEN". For those of you who dislike bad news, and are willing to bypass reality in favor of a less harsh delusion, I proffer an alternative solution. "Send me money, and lots of it - but not Canadian money, unless you want the world economy to collapse". I also accept punches to the back of the skull of the person you're sitting next to, which I surmise will be the next form of currency to appreciate in value. (Shopkeep, give me a pound and a half of halibut - PUNCH*PUNCH*PUNCH*PUNCH*PUNCH - You want that wrapped to go? It's Extra... PUNCH*PUNCH*PUNCH,)

Well, there's a Peanut Butter and Chocolate cake with my name on it (literally... unless the baker misspelled my name as "Neal" again, in which case I'm stealing Neal's cake) so, as they say in... my head... "GET YOUR OWN!"

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not to doubt your excellent animation ability but if your job at soup to nuts doesn't pan out perhaps you could be an ad writer as you can take the most mundane and make it seem excitable to anyone with a low enough iq to enjoy such quality programs as "she spies" and madtv. plus your pathtetic begging "send me money please i'm a homeless orphan with one leg and my other leg is prosthetic" so hey youd fit right in with that genre

that being said happy freaking birthday.....more years less hair
So, what you're telling me is (and rapidly, too, considering the lack of punctuation and capitolization) between your required viewings of She Spies (which, knowing you, must be some sort of pornographic video, if you're viewing it regularly) and MadTV (Belvue's Inmate run Television station) you never miss my livejournal. So if that's true, you intentionally snubbed my last six entries by not responding. In that case, I hope you insincerity is the end of you. I can't imagine a real-world practical example of said poetic justice - um... maybe if you're having a gall bladder attack at a doctor's convention, and when they ask "Are you OK?", you reply sarcastically, "No, *pffft*... I'm *dying*", and they chuckle at your pseudo joke leaving you wallowing in a puddle of your own bile.

And I wouldn't beg for money if it didn't work like a charm. And who's to say that I won't be an orphan one day, or lose my home and legs in an industrial Jello vat incident?

Um... and remind me never to assign you to give my eulogy, you heartless automated crotch kicking machine! That being said, why not share your gift with able to take a cruel joke, Mr. Malone, cheerfully nicknamed by the US Army as "The Killing Floor".
never seen she friend jocie was telling me about it as i was writting this post apparently female spies fight evil in revealing slow mo...oh thank you so much bay watch. and after .13 minutes of mad tv i'm trying to gouge out my own eyes and burn out my may have single handedly ruined comedy central for me....that and anything jeff foxworthy

and i'm no insincere i *did* say happy birthday and nothing about how i hope you run headfirst into a moving bullet train i mean come on it could have been much worse....your getting sensative in your old age
Happy Birthday!!!

I'll have to look around for an insincere card. Or, at the very least, a very inappropriate card with the words "Happy 50th Anniversary, Carol and Bob," written in it, with the names "Carol" and "Bob" crossed out- and the the word "Birthday" written in red ink over "50th Anniversary." It is good to recycle, you know.

Babbling aside, it sounds like things are going well for you. Huzzah!

I'd accept *any* insincere or inappropriate card, just so long as it doesn't come from the heart. Remember, it's the lack of throught that counts.

And I think I'd get the most personal satisfaction from depriving Bob and Carol, who frankly have never done anything for me - personally, from getting their "meaningless milestone" card. Pheh... so they didn't have the guts to leave one another for 5 decades. And yet, no one congradulates ME on my lifelong commitment to oxygen. I've never cheated on it once, execpt for the time I almost drowned - but I'm telling you, the ocean was hitting on *ME*, not the other way around.

My own madness aside, thank ye for the well wishery.
happy Bday to u, u montibank.....may u have mean more before u r too decrippid to take care of yourself...
Happy belated birthday good sir! Damn we're all getting old... In any case enjoy the next year for all its worth. Soup to Nuts has a damn fine soldier under its wing now