Mr. Neil (mrneilesq) wrote,
Mr. Neil

The Best Day of My Life...

It's rare that anyone takes me seriously, and with good cause. Though, I've found if I'm given even a modicum of this crazy thing called "belief" after saying something off the wall, I tend to run with it...for miles if need be. What you're about to read is 100% real (the chat, not the events listed!), one of my closest friends thoroughly prankified. While it may seem cruel, he was the best of sports about this, and found it just as funny as I did when I finally pushed my ruse a tad too far. Let me say, he's a prince among men, and he's certainly no fool. He just has a bad habit of not reading every word that's been written.

Ah, it was like I was Orson Wells, with his famous H.G. Wells "War of the Worlds" broadcast.

Enough prelude, here it is:

*** You have been disconnected. Tue Sep 14 22:43:19 2004.

*** captaintycho666 signed on at Tue Sep 14 22:48:37 2004.

NorvilleHardy: Sorry about that... Wireless networking issues...

captaintycho666: oh i see.

captaintycho666: upgraded huh?

NorvilleHardy: No, but my sister insists on using the one brand of wireless phone that wreaks havok with my router.

captaintycho666: oh i see.

captaintycho666: good old sibblings.

captaintycho666: *grumble*

NorvilleHardy: Luckily, I think I've switched the frequency so hopefully her phone is bursting into flames as we speak.

captaintycho666: lmao!!!!!

captaintycho666: could it do that ?

captaintycho666: seriously?

NorvilleHardy: Only if I did it right...

captaintycho666: lol

NorvilleHardy: Smoke detector's going off...

NorvilleHardy: Oh crud.

NorvilleHardy: brb

captaintycho666: lmao!!!!!!

NorvilleHardy: Ok... I convinced her it's because she put the plug in upside down...

captaintycho666: lmao!!!

captaintycho666: r u serious

NorvilleHardy: Luckily "wireless" = "anonymous"

captaintycho666: lol

captaintycho666: wow

NorvilleHardy: Singed her left eyebrow straight off....

captaintycho666: ouch

NorvilleHardy: (she was holding the phone under her chin on that side of her face)\

captaintycho666: wow

captaintycho666: so do u feel goiulty or jubalent?

NorvilleHardy: She didn't want to scream, because my Grandmother was sleeping in the other room, so she apparently tossed the unit through her looking glass in rage.

NorvilleHardy: She doesn't take these things in stride.

captaintycho666: wow

captaintycho666: i dont know what to say

captaintycho666: u r an evil genious

NorvilleHardy: Oh !)(*@)(@

captaintycho666: ??

NorvilleHardy: She's screaching now...

NorvilleHardy: brb

captaintycho666: k

NorvilleHardy: S*)&)(!*.... there's a giant scortch mark on the wall....

captaintycho666: dang

NorvilleHardy: It burned clear through the top she had hanging up on a hanger...

captaintycho666: =-O

NorvilleHardy: How do you get burnmarks off of wallpaper?

captaintycho666: u r a fucking terrorist neil .

captaintycho666: damn

captaintycho666: ummmm

captaintycho666: is the paper burned?

captaintycho666: liek peeling off?

NorvilleHardy: Hey! Faulty technology played a small role in this!

NorvilleHardy: I mean like...

captaintycho666: i see

NorvilleHardy: Down to the plaster.

NorvilleHardy: Can you put new wallpaper ove rthe old?

captaintycho666: yah u can

captaintycho666: u need the glue though

captaintycho666: and ull have to sand down the wall

captaintycho666: to put the glue on to adhesa right

NorvilleHardy: All I've got is Superglue and a staple gun... it's going to have to do for tonight until I can get to the hardware store.

NorvilleHardy: !@)*(!@)*

captaintycho666: yup

captaintycho666: sorry neil

NorvilleHardy: You know the LCD, the liquid crystal display on the phone for the caller ID?

captaintycho666: i know god has smote u cause of your friendship to me

captaintycho666: llol

captaintycho666: yup

NorvilleHardy: Maybe if I sacrifice you, all the evidence will burn.

NorvilleHardy: Oh anyway...

captaintycho666: yah possible

NorvilleHardy: The plastic part popped, and the corrosive liquid got all over her bedsheet...

captaintycho666: damn ...

captaintycho666: eat right through it huh?

NorvilleHardy: It's transPARENT now...

NorvilleHardy: OH !@O@!*@)(@!*

captaintycho666: ????

NorvilleHardy: I think she read my screen....she shot me a funny look.

captaintycho666: lmao!!!!!

captaintycho666: well u didnt say anything incriminating

captaintycho666: dont worry

NorvilleHardy: Good...I patched everything up... I told her that I was saying that this was LIKE the time a friend of mine fried his router.

captaintycho666: oh ...

captaintycho666: ok.

NorvilleHardy: (!*@&*(! she walked back in.

NorvilleHardy: I think we should speak pig latin from now on.

captaintycho666: ok ..

captaintycho666: well how about those monkeys

NorvilleHardy: Ymay istersay isay a apsay, and she'll evernay atchcay on that I set her phone on fire.....ay

captaintycho666: damn monkeys

captaintycho666: lol

captaintycho666: yah everything comes out the monkey

captaintycho666: *end*

NorvilleHardy: !@()*+_!@.... she just asked my about my router....

NorvilleHardy: Apparently, the faceplate smoked up...

NorvilleHardy: It still works, but I think it was a bad idea to overclock the thing.

captaintycho666: oh.

captaintycho666: ouch]

NorvilleHardy: I told her that it's because the two things were on the same circuit...

NorvilleHardy: Even though one was upstairs, and on down...

NorvilleHardy: On opposite sides of the house.

NorvilleHardy: Gosh, I love taking unfair advantage of ignorance of technology.

captaintycho666: just tell her maybe in some slim chance the fruences were the same whoich would possible cause a catatrosphib explosion?

captaintycho666: lol

NorvilleHardy: Are you telling me to ADMIT EVERYTHING TO HER? Are you a MADMAN?

captaintycho666: yah ... i mean no .

captaintycho666: noooo

captaintycho666: just sudjest it

captaintycho666: lol

NorvilleHardy: !@*)& - there was a warning on the router about switching frequencies.....

NorvilleHardy: I'm ()!@*ing busted.

captaintycho666: lmao!!!!!!!!

captaintycho666: she wouldnt know ...

captaintycho666: lol

NorvilleHardy: brb...

captaintycho666: k

NorvilleHardy: F***.

NorvilleHardy: No, I meant she *read* it.

captaintycho666: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

captaintycho666: sorry

NorvilleHardy: Oh )*!@&...she's calling the police.

NorvilleHardy: brb

captaintycho666: wha?

captaintycho666: god shes high strung

NorvilleHardy: S***....she just !@(@!^&( yelled at me that they said that it's sometihing like "Willfull negligence"...

captaintycho666: wow .... i cant beleiev your sis would rat u out

captaintycho666: thats horrible

NorvilleHardy: I'm F***ed if she presses charges.

captaintycho666: dman

captaintycho666: but u didnt do it to hurt her .. i can back u

NorvilleHardy: Oh this is bulls***...

captaintycho666: i agree

NorvilleHardy: SHe's trying to claim that it was an attempt on her life.

NorvilleHardy: F)@(!#* HER.

captaintycho666: wow.......your sis got problems

NorvilleHardy: This is just the !)@(*ing thing she's been waiting for to get me out of the house.

NorvilleHardy: ()**(!@*....sirens.

captaintycho666: lol

captaintycho666: amen to that brother amne

captaintycho666: amen*

captaintycho666: should tell her to get her ass out of the house.....shes older than u

captaintycho666: but i digress

NorvilleHardy: I'm goingto make a break for it...I can't go to prision.

NorvilleHardy: I'm too pretty.

captaintycho666: neil

captaintycho666: i know its not the right time to say claim down

captaintycho666: but claim down

NorvilleHardy: I!(*@& it... if I can get out of the house, I can have one of my firends lie for me and say I was with him all evening.

NorvilleHardy: It'll look like she caused the problem herself.

captaintycho666: lol

NorvilleHardy: I gotta go.

captaintycho666: later

*** captaintycho666 signed off at Tue Sep 14 23:28:24 2004.

*** captaintycho666 signed on at Tue Sep 14 23:38:54 2004.

NorvilleHardy: Whew...

captaintycho666: ??????

captaintycho666: u r ok

NorvilleHardy: All I can say, is I'm glad it was a FEmale cop.

captaintycho666: god u had me worried

captaintycho666: phew

NorvilleHardy: I gave her the best loving known to mankind, and she let me off with a warning.

captaintycho666: wow

captaintycho666: god .....

NorvilleHardy: I'm going to commit crimes more often.

NorvilleHardy: Crime DOES pay.

captaintycho666: thats still really assy of your own flesh and blood ....throwing u to the dogs liek that

captaintycho666: lol

captaintycho666: god dont say that

captaintycho666: lol

captaintycho666: if she sees that she'll call me over again

captaintycho666: them .

captaintycho666: not me

NorvilleHardy: Ok it's ok....when I realized I had legal immunity, I pushed mu sister dow nthe stairs.

NorvilleHardy: Let's just say, this won't be happening again.

captaintycho666: lmao

captaintycho666: yah i hope for your sake and my hearts ...

captaintycho666: ugh

captaintycho666: i almost had a corinary

captaintycho666: thump trhump

NorvilleHardy: Then I probably shouldn't tell you the rest.

captaintycho666: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh

captaintycho666: theres more heart pounding maddness

NorvilleHardy: The officer left me handcuffed to my chair.

captaintycho666: oh???

captaintycho666: wow

captaintycho666: lol

NorvilleHardy: Real Handcuffs...

captaintycho666: not funny ..

NorvilleHardy: No key.

captaintycho666: oh...

captaintycho666: u r dangerous ..

NorvilleHardy: I dunno... I can't very well ask my sister to get me a hacksaw from the basement.

captaintycho666: u r a loos cannon

NorvilleHardy: Guess I'll have to phone a locksmith.

NorvilleHardy: ....if I could reach the phone.

captaintycho666: she left u liek that ?

captaintycho666: shes gone

captaintycho666: and left u handcuffed.

NorvilleHardy: Long gone... I said I'd call her, and she said "yeah, alre all pigs"

captaintycho666: ha ha ha neil u have me going there for a bit./

captaintycho666: good job

NorvilleHardy: Worse yet, I still have to bury the body.

captaintycho666: lmao!!!!

captaintycho666: neil ....well its good to see u r in rare form still after all of that shit

NorvilleHardy: Mat..... I'm not kidding.

captaintycho666: ????

captaintycho666: about what the cuffs or ythe body?

NorvilleHardy: Both.

captaintycho666: ha

NorvilleHardy: Nice... laugh at my troubles.

captaintycho666: u wouldnt be talking to mew if u had a fucking body on your floor oozing everywhere......

NorvilleHardy: I put it in a garbage bag... I've got plenty of time.

captaintycho666: and u shure as hell arent cuffed to the chair ...a cop never leave without there cuffs.

NorvilleHardy: Fine...She left the cuffs behind, and I was playing with them.

NorvilleHardy: I admit...dumb thing to do.

After a few virtual punchs to my gullet, a few of my tears of..uh... joy, and a hearty, continuous laugh (by both of us) lasting well over a fortnight, the charade was over. Who will be next? I'm guessing anyone not sending me a bribe.
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